Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
