Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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