Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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