well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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