you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
