Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
