my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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