I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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