Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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