Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
