I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
