It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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