I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
