Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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