they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
