Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You work out of a Hotel?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
