How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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