is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
