Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
