I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
