And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
