you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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