Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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