This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
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she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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