Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Someone signed my nipple.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
