Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
