You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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