at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
