Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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