I'm so fucking centered right now
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
