Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
