And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
