I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
