I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
