The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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