you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
