I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
