I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
