I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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