Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
