i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Houston, we have a blender
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just high enough for therapy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
