I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
