The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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