If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
