the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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