I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
