I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize