I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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