dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize