Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
