You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
