Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
