VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
