OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
