Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
