pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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