you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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