wanna go halves on a baby?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
