we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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