why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
