you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize