that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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