So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
