wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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