Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
