Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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