I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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