I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
