Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
