he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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