He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
