Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
