i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
