So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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