when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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