Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
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It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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