gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
