dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize