last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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