The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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