you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got inside last night via doggy door
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
