dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
they need to just BURY HIM!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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